How I abhor hair. I abhor hair with a passion that is indescribable, irrevocable, undeniable, indivisible and unchanging as Father Time. I hate hair as if it is the reason men cheat and women are female dogs, as well as their own enemies. I hate hair even more than I hate *gasp* condis. It’s deep. Quite possibly, I hate hair more than the young King Geoffrey…wait, no. I’m stretching it. But you get the point. It’s annoying to comb, to keep, to maintain, to endure disses about (for the weaven few #MAWE #IsupportMAWE), to spend hours of agony in the salon for with hairdressers you don’t like and women snidely side-eyeing you as they get their hair chomwad…it’s ANNOYING. It’s a task. It should not be done. I’m going to stop now.
So, obviously, I cut my hair. I have actually done most of the ones on the list below, except number 5…because I am NOT that gangsta. Because I really could. Not. Do. It. Here are 5 things you can do with short hair to still look hip – and save yourself hours in a practical steam room that you will never be able to get back. Especially after the waves from the dryer fry your brain.

1. Lock it. To be fair, you are going to have to keep going back to the salon for about six months after, but after that quick initiation, you’re free, Free, FREE!! (say like the butterflies fleeing from Johnny Bravo’s wallet in that episode. No butterflies means more space for all the bills you’re gonna be putting in instead of sijui braids sijui retouch) !! Plus, if you can get a naturalista to twist/wax it for you…*tears* you’ll never have to step in a salon again. *dances for joy and weeps with rejoicing*

Photosynthesis Photography

2. Corn it. Also something you (or your goddess of a naturalista) can do for you. You know those cute little popcorns that girls have where they twist hair into little…well, popcorns? It looks so cute! #nextHairPlan Either that, or twist it, which is also tres cute…which I have also done. Although if you twist them (I used to do this sitting on the couch watching a progi so’s I don’t notice the manual labour), they might just lock on you if you leave them on for too long…

3. ‘Fro it. There was quite a stretch of time in high school (some folk have pictures) when pink lotion was my best friend in the world. She was my constant protector and sidekick, my ever-present source of damage control, essential to not getting punishments and not breaking combs (and other associated surrounding objects). You’re gonna need a lot of moisturizer if this is about 2700 armed guards have been stationed on commercial ships along the Indian Ocean. the path you take (your mission, should you choose to accept it, haaaaa), because ‘fros are not ati walking in the park sijui English composition (cough). Some take the path of gel, but…the green collars and slimy I-was-an-extra-in-Grease-literallyness? #iCANT

Reumac Photography

4. Keep it…short. One of my favourite models of all time, Thogi, has short hair which she keeps at the same level, and it is such a classic demonstration of simplistic beauty. I was there when she did it. I watched history being made. She spends 50 bob on her hair sijui every month. As in? *faints* *wakes* *runs to cut hair* *envies boys*

Mutua Matheka Photography

5. Bald it. This is not for the fainthearted. A girl who can go bald is a girl who is so confident in her sexy that nothing takes that away (same for girls who get madonnas. Yo, that is a whole other level of respect)…not even hair. Yo. #maaaardprops

There you have it. Look! Barber! Go!

Abi