It’s important for a girl to know where to shop. Where the bargains are at, where you’ll get the best prices for the things you need, and where you’ll get value for your money. I don’t know if this is applicable across the board, but service in the supermarket is important to me.

My friend was tweeting about being in a supermarket. He said ‘Cashier at the till in a bright shirt, undone to the third last button. I’ve just remembered why I don’t go to *insert supermarket name*.’ Because seriously, I am shopping for real candy. Not eye candy. And not whatever you think chest hair is. Supermarket, not Applebee’s - I still think they need bring a good Chippendales to Kenya. Now there’s a thought.

These are the pros and cons of supermarkets I go to regularly. This is where to be spending your money. The last one is my favourite, obviously.

1. Nakumatt. The elephant in the room. See what I did there? They really do have everything. I bet they’re going to expand into real-estate and automobiles. The biggest, the cleanest, the best stocked, the pioneers of the life-saving 24 hour supermarket, which ROCKS. Right? The thing that pisses me off about Nakumatts (and generally, supermarkets today) is the fact that they never have change. Wtf? You are a supermarket. It’s your job to have coins. Like banks. There should be a dude who goes specifically to get change. What does your manager do, exactly? Now, Nakumatt, Tusky’s and I think Uchumi have this card that you can get to save your change on the card. But that is just another way to get our money.

You pay for a card…so that they give you your money. Um? And then, they won’t let you pay with sweets. So why do they give us sweets?? We need to start a REVOLUTION. Stone the Elephant! Also, their prices are inflated, compared to my local. A bottle of Daima water here is 55, when it is supposed to be 45. Or something ridiculous like that. However…there’s a really nice attendant who went all the way back to the back room to get me something that was finished from the stock, so. (ok, was it expired? I’m not dead yet, so…)

2. Tusky’s. They are clean. And they have the best bread! (44 bob of pop for the smaller loaf) Which is their winning point. And they are huge. And always, without fail, overcrowded. No thanks.

3. Uchumi. There are so many things to like about Uchumi. The one on Aga Khan Walk has an entire food court now; it’s great, but sad at the same time, especially after they raised the Uchumi sandwich prices (from about 120 to 280…that Mug kind of inflation). They, too, have great bread for 45 bob (ish) and it’s the bombdotcom. But they NEVER have coins (worse than Nakumatt). And sometimes, their floors are just, no. But it’s a great Kenyan success story, you know? Like Schumacher…but not.

4. Ukwala supermarket is kind of a joke. It’s more than just a bit filthy. I mean, you’re storing food, for Pete’s sake. It makes no sense to be dirty. Their stock just gets to basic supermarket needs, sodas and crisps. The two times I went to Ukwala, I was desperate, and both times, I did not find what I was looking for - whipped cream and cooking chocolate. Don't ask.

5. *hail the conquering hero* Jahari’s Supermarket. The greatest thing since sliced bread (and/or Tusky’s/Uchumi bread) is the local supermarket. ALL the prices are lower for EVERYthing (Daima 1.5L for 45 bob). They have friendly neighbourhood discounts and friendly neighbourhood needs (bathmats, fresh apples, cupcakes and mosquito repellent). Granted, they do not have produce aisles or smart cards, but they ALWAYS have change. If there’s inflation, it’s a bob, and they’ll let you go back to the digz and get that bob, or come back for it later! The friendly neighbourhood tellers smile at you and say hello.

It’s one big happy Disney-like family.

Abi