I realise that several people think that virgins are a rare breed who need to be tracked down and examined by National Geographic, and then tagged before let loose into the world. This is not the case. Many though they are, fewer the consistently become. And unfortunately, I have noted with growing concern that the people making the decision are exquisitely stupid about it. I say this because, contrary to popular opinion, it is actually hard to have a child. (Mostly because there is only about a week in a month that a woman is actually capable of conception.

I have already sensed the men stopping right here.But this is important for you too. If you are sexually active and/or in a committed relationship, you need to discuss this…if you haven’t already. So I guess this one is not just for the virgins. (And if you haven’t already, you really need to step out of the 16th century and realize when you live. If you are old enough to use it, you need to be old enough to care about what you’re doing. Not like THAT. WHOLE other post. :D)

And yet, it happens. Often. Sometimes, planned, but sometimes…more often than not…not. You would think people know these skills already. Yes? NO. Morning after pills do have an effect on you. It makes more sense to just get on constant contraception instead of repeatedly confusing your body (they are now retailing at 150 bob But remember that scare for the fake ones?...now there’s a place to scratch to confirm its authenticity. How long do you think it will be before they fake those?). So find below, ha, the price of sex (or baby prevention, if you will, really. The price of sex…again. Whole other post.)

1. You could get an implant. The implant releases hormones into your body that…you know…make you not get pregnant. It works much like the pill, only you do not have to take it every day. (about KES 6,000 to KES 8,000, depending on where you do it)

2. You could get an IUCD (intrauterine contraceptive device), which is inserted inside you and makes your uterus think it’s carrying a baby.  (Also, you should talk to your gyna before you decide, because some contraceptive methods have greater efficiency based on how many partners, etc., like the cervical cancer vaccination) (at Marie Stopes, they do the IUCD for KES 3,000).

3. A condom (omg Zoom’s ads are shady)! Or ‘Romantic Love Rubber’, as I have seen them described. Trust condoms are up to 40 bob for 3 nowadays (inflation, nininini) and there are a slew of brands to choose from (Salama, Durex, Raha, Contempo, Mood, Sure…) Condoms are obviously not 100% (nothing on this list is), so sometimes it is a better idea to do a double contraceptive method (i.e. condom and…)

4. You could go on the pill. The hormones in the pill basically lie to your body that you’re pregnant. It’s a genius conspiracy (like the implant). If you have tendencies to forget (that you do not want babies), set an alarm on your phone (also, the pill is more efficient when you take it at the same time every day.) One pack of the Femiplan government pill (yes, that is what I said. Yes, it works.) That’s literally, 1 bob a day to not conceive. You cannot get any cheaper than that, except for

5. Abstinence. :D (0 bob, millions in self-control)

If you’re having sex, be responsible. Contraception (is not provided at some hospitals, especially if they are Catholic, e.g. Mater, and) is usually not covered by insurance (but Viagra is. Awesome.). Talk to your gynaecologist (2,500 on average for consultation. I know, right???) to figure out the best method for you and your partner(s). Get checked and tested (free at a VCT centre, about a k for STDs etc. in town). Get a pap smear (every year, also about 2,000) if you’ve been sexually active for over a year, and if possible, a cervical cancer vaccination (it’s three shots spaced a month and six months between. The average if you are not going to Nairobi Hospital is about 3k a shot, so 9k total). Stay clean, Herpes is forever, that sh* is REAL.

Abi