The internet is broken. In fact the internet is always broken. Now you may not believe this but this can be a tad bit frustrating when it comes to trying to work on an online magazine. It cripples your activities. It gets to a point where it is almost impossible to work. First its Kenya Power offering you either a blackout or generously giving you whatever was left over from your previous black out. Next its Nairobi Water deciding that you are clean, after all; you’ve already had your 3 showers for the week. After that comes the ISP who decides that you don’t need an internet supply, you live in a third world country your more immediate concern should be food security.

All this will happen before noon, because we live in quite the efficient society. By the time it gets to your lunch break you will find that there is no food because some politician hoarded maize that was there to be sold, or even worse, given away. You will be expected to make due with a glass of water; minus the water. And the glass.

If you make it past that there is always an issue getting from lunch back to the office because odds are that the fuel has been hoarded for a hiked price. This means matatus will probably charge you KES 10,000 for a 2 metre journey, or your car will die out on the way there. If you fall in the car dying category don’t worry. You have plenty of money left from the lunch that you did not have so you might as well use it for fuel. That will probably get you halfway to the office so drive very fast and let the momentum take you the rest of the way.

Oh wait; the traffic. I forgot the traffic. Odds are you will meet traffic, all going in one direction down the street. Most likely this will be in the opposite direction from which you are going. This will probably make you think that you are going in the wrong direction. You are not. Just hoot vividly. Traffic police? Well they exist, they show up and traffic increases almost infinitely.

By the time you get back to the office you will be welcomed by a boss who will talk you down for being lazy and not doing your job. Probably cut your salary in the process. After which you will lumber back to your dark, waterless house. There is one silver lining though; you won’t get to read this. Because the internet is most likely broken. The internet is always broken.

 Article appears as first published on : michael.co.ke