A lot of Kenyans have really bad teeth. And I have run that race, won the race, got the medal and the t-shirt. In fact I am wearing it as I write this now. I still insist that if my high school nurse (who was mostly incompetent, as they do tend to be) hadn't insisted that my cavities were a toothache because of the cold and pumped me with Ibuprofen, I wouldn't be typing this article today. THREE root canals later (so maybe it was a good thing…not).

While I was walking around, ailing, shopping around for a dentist to pull out/anaesthetize/maim/fix my milky whites, I realized that these folks are not cheap. I swear, it’s like they are charging you tax for being sick in the first place (like, ahem, all hospitals). And so, I did a comparative analysis of these money-grabbers/dentists -which is more to give you a feel of things as opposed to a conclusion - and found that…

1. Though Nairobi Women’s Hospital has long had a glowing record, their dentists leave my wallet crying in pain. A simple teeth-cleaning exercise goes up to KES 5,000. Yup. Not kwacha. Imagine a root canal? Good grief. Capitalism. And who is supposed to be able to regularly afford that, pray tell, if they have bad teeth, or six children?

2. The first place I had my root canal done was Aga Khan Nairobi, who are a bunch of very nice, friendly folk over at the dental department (note how I specified. Some of their GPs leave a lot to be desired). They will take at least KES 3,000  (hmmm…but that was years ago. Extrapolate.) of your money, but do it with a smile. Ha! With a smile. Because they are dentists. Get it? All private hospitals will take your money, but not as many will be so nice about it. Which brings me to…

3. Kenyatta Hospital. Don’t contort your face at me. If you are not going to Kenyatta for an emergency, Kenyatta is actually one of our best equipped hospitals. Didn’t know that, didja? Consultation is 500 bob, and a root canal ranges from 3 to 7gs.

4. You can’t go wrong with the church…right? At Africa Coptic Hospital, I struck gold. I never go anywhere else anymore. Consultation is a mere 500 bob (compared to number 1 and 2, which range from a KES 1,000 to KES 2,000. Though times have changed, and inflation, it seems, is on a weekly basis). A root canal is about KES 5,000. And the dentist is a nice chap. And it’s clean. What more can you ask for?...Lower rates, you say? Well, at Mama Lucy’s Hospital in Kayole, consultation is 100 bob and a root canal ranges from 1000-2500. That’s the cheapest I know. Get off my back. Wait, actually…

5. …cheaper than all these, folks, is, of course, taking care of your teeth (and never going to a boarding school). If you regularly use your toothbrush and your floss, this whole post will never be applicable in your life. (The small print reads that not everything in that statement is entirely true. Go on. Check.)

Feel free to indicate the other cheap places I may have overlooked, as these are based on personal experience. Let’s watch our weight – erm, budgets! Who’s the cheapest dentist you’ve ever gone to, whose filling didn’t fall out 3 weeks later?

Abi

p.s. I totes support Obamacare (Obama basically insisting that everyone in America should get health insurance and health care). Everyone in the WORLD should get health insurance! Healthcare by itself is so expensive…ok, but that is another artilce. The point is, Kenya needs to tear a leaf off and hit the ground running from his book. I mean…he’s only the president of the most powerful nation in the world. *prices listed subject to change at hospitals, which as you all know means they go up…