I watched Skyfall.

It was everything you think it is going to be, and more (not Avengers, but very, very close). Daniel Craig is an amazing man. He leaps and loves and lords over the MI6 like a born master of espionage. Javier Bardem is a villain who needs to be inaugurated into the Bad Guy Hall of Fame, which I am willing to personally create for him and Heath Ledger (and Hannibal Lecter). Naomie Harris encapsulates everything a shift from traditional to modern should be (as does the whole movie). Dame Judi Dench should be given a Life Service Award and commemorated by the actual MI6, with a plaque and everything. And Berenice Marlohe…is just hot.

Now, James Bond, as we all know, is funded by brands who have a great desire to see their product on film once. (or twice…or the whole movie. But mostly twice) James Bond, as the longest running movie franchis on telly, is also the biggest and longest running advertising gimmick on telly. People would advertise on Harry Potter if they could, but it is in another world, so, yes. The relevance of this being that Harry Potter is the only movie franchise that tops James Bond in big bucks. If Harry Potter could drink Heineken, i.e. if he wasn’t pre-pubescent at the beginning of the series, Heineken would have a field day with that marketing. This from the company who paid the Bond franchise a cool 45 million quid (when it’s so many million, I guess you shouldn’t still call it quid). Ever thought about how this would convert to Kenyan money? Imagine the depths of the wallets that would have to fund James Bond if James Bond was Kenyan! Would he, in the first movie, have a Nokia 3310 and drive a Peugeot?

This is a list of what it would cost to have a bonafide James Bond…as in, how much he costs in Kenyan shillings. If only our industries could charge this much…on second thought, no.

1. James Bond is into Tom Ford, both shirts and suits. They fit him like a very expensive glove, because they are a very expensive glove (no glove, no love! HAHAHA) A Tom Ford shirt costs about 3000 USD at Selfridges, which about 10, ha, people can afford. A designer suit, readymade, at a designer store, in Kenya, costs anywhere from 50 – 100gs. KSHS. Your best bet is probably a tailor made suit – they fit better, cost less, and you are promoting Kenyan talent. 

2. James Bond is also into Omega watches. You know the ones, for the logo for sijui Only Time. They cost. A buck. Yaani I wonder, si people have mobile phones? Si they have the time on it? Anyway. Not for me to judge old Jamey boy, just for me to put price tags on everyone. They cost 50,000 USD and up. Just to throw this into relief, when Mudavadi was mugges, they took his Rolex, which he claims cost 700,000 KSHS. Woohoo, struggling African nations. 0 to you, 1 for Dictatorship and Exploitation.

3. A decent pair of shoes in Nai for men costs no less than 8gs, if they are real leather, At Yaya, the Little Red store stocks shoes for 200,000 KSHS. So…yeah.

4. Bond looks great with accessories (as designers know). You can get a good pair of sunglasses at, for example, Baus Optical, that are not fake lensed or…you know…fake. (a pair of D & G sunnies is 1,200 USD)

5. The car makes the man…right? An Aston Martin is 180,000-200,000 pounds. Which rounds off to about 20-25 million shillings.

So basically, we should stick with Makmende.

Abi