An article that did quite the rounds on the interwebs caught my eye, and Im sure I was not the only feather this article ruffled. Marriane Power of MailOnline argues her case on a generation that refuses to grow up, and this she does quite convincingly. This generation has been named the Peter Pan Generation; boys and girls who would rather attend the Dakar Rally than commit any cent into a pension scheme or a mortgage. They are the 25-40 year olds who run away from the commitments of health, housing or jobs. Who cares about tomorrow anyway? We have today, let’s live for now.

“It is a sizeable group of 25 to 40-year-olds who exist in a state of extended adolescence, avoiding the trappings of responsibility — marriage, mortgage, children — for as long as possible”, she writes. This generation, according to Marriane, hangs on the edge of adulthood and refuses to grow up. They might be economically cosseted, but they refuse to have a plan. Some of them still live with their parents.

The Stylist also describes this generation as “a cash rich, time poor, fun loving tribe of 25-40 year olds determined to wring every drop of opportunity out of the capital before considering marriage, mortgage and a family of their own.”

The definition of growing up here refers to having a plan in life that points to mortgages, marriage, children, savings, and a flourishing career. But is the true measure of a man these things that he possesses? Are we a sum of our possessions? Is it the only way to define adulthood or lack thereof?

While I do agree with the argument that at 34, one cannot have only a TV and perhaps a water heater to show for the 34 years of existence, the merits used to measure success here do trouble me. It could be an attempt to justify the generation in which I belong to. But whatever happened to personal characteristics being the definition of maturity and worth? Shall we measure the true worth of a man by the number of flats he has bought? The conventional measure will always put these things into consideration, but that does not necessarily mean that we have to bow.

We fail to realize that not everyone has been afforded the same opportunities that we have been afforded in life, and that blessings do come late for some. In the current economic headwinds, measuring the worth of a man by what he owns is a little bit unfair. Not everyone can afford to buy a house; in fact, very few people in their early 30s can do that. Marriage itself needs money, so to commit and bend over backwards not to be infantilized? I think not.

The pressure comes from the generation before us, our parents. We forget that times are changing, and while the opportunities to make a flourishing career in the late 20s might have been there for our parents, it isn’t the same anymore. Some are even getting their first jobs in their late 30s. Others are so frustrated that they have to go back to school and hide from job-hunting by enrolling into grad school. Not that I glorify this.  While some might decide to delay commitments of whatever kind out of choice, there are those pushed too much in the edge that labeling them cowards of life, aka Peter Pan, is an insult.

We also fail to put into consideration that while most of us might seem to be in pursuit of financial freedom and satisfaction, not everyone looks at this as the ultimate goal. We bundle everyone into this definition of success- where a successful woman or man lives in own house, is married, has kids, and has a bit of plan, mostly, a financial plan. While this might be true for most people, the journey does not end in marriage or a mortgage for others. Some want to be aimless travelers, until death finds them. It is a careless way to live, but why does it have to be infantilized? This generation could be doing this intentionally, a choice that could be product of the many failed marriages and frustrating careers. A certain Oliver Robinson, a Greenwich University researcher calls it defiance against the ‘mediocre, ploddy, conventional life.’

To find a fair way to describe this ‘responsible adult’ would be a good thing. Do I qualify if I paid back my HELB loan? Joining a pension scheme? If this is so then, what shall we say of those who hurried through these things, got a mortgage, got married, maybe are on their fifth baby and are  wishing back their youthful days? Are they the most adult of them all? And shall adulthood be at the mercy of economic headwinds?

Here is how I see it.  To be grown up, a responsible adult is to lead a content life, whatever pleases your heart. To choose the most comfortable way for you to live. If it rules out a mortgage or a wife does not necessarily make you a child. For what is the point of bending over backwards to be called an adult? If you cannot pay for a house and it is cheaper to still live with mummy, you go right ahead. Just be. However, you must be prepared to be measured by these metrics and labeled un-adult.