You can judge a lot about a man by his shoes, and his taste in restaurants. Not because I want to go to Onami or the Tribe every date, but because I take my food and service very, very seriously. When I go somewhere, I am looking at ambience, and service, and the seats, and the food, and the seats…ha, and, yes,  the waiters. Waiters go a long way in contributing to the general experience. If you are a foodie, you know...and you probably also know never to go to Greenview for their service (you go for their portions…I can never get over the service, so, I was actually glad when they had a fire. I take my food SERIOUSLY. I had nothing to do with it. Though. If you find the person who…never mind.) or Ozone for their portions (their portions are tiny, take an hour to get there and the waiters don’t know what is on the menu. How do I ask you something on the menu, and you work there, and you don’t know? SMH. It’s like not knowing your anthem. No…it’s not. It’s like not knowing your name. At the age of 23.).

The thing is, many restaurants have a specialty meal. Some restaurants do smoothies better, like Rendezvous, whose non-dairy smoothies are affordable and orgasmic . Some places are good at pizza and pasta, like Mediterraneo. Others…others are good at the side dishes. The accompaniments, you know? Heron Court used to be so good at masala chips, they had to take it off the menu because (I) people were only coming there for the masala chips. And they were 150 bob. But I guess now that they have a fountain…

While we’re on the subject of potatoes (as you gathered from the title), very few folks know how to do potatoes the way they are supposed to. KFC gets their fries right (as opposed to their chicken), as did Psys. By the way, one psys does NOT fit all. I like my fries the way I don’t like my women.

Skinny.

Find listed my favourite (and not so favourite) places for, not, fries, but MASHED POTATOES. More often than not served as a side, it makes me feel healthier to order mashed taters over fries, etc, and I love my taters, so. This is where to get the most value for your…sides. There is a talent to getting those just right, balancing the creamy and the firmness, and the portion size, the salting…it’s much like conducting an orchestra.

I take my food very seriously.

1. At Gari Restaurant (Kenyatta Avenue, average meal price KES 300), they do not even make an attempt to mash anything. It’s like they decided to beat one, and then cut all the other ones into tiny little pieces and sprinkle them in the middle. No effort. At all. Ok, a little bit.

2. Ozone. The thing with Ozone food is, it’s good, medium-priced (about 400 shs average for a meal), but it takes ages to get to you, the waiter I had was incompetent, and the portions are tiny, because by the time they are getting your food to you, you’re so hungry you wish you had placed a double order. The potatoes are quite nice, though.

3. Bet I could make great ones at the digz, right? No? Ok. No, for real. I could… (insert Confidence in me from Sound of Music)

4. Psys. I generally like Psys food. It comes quickly, it’s very fairly priced (320 - 600 shs for a meal), the waiters are ok (you need to become a regular to know who to pick), and the fact that you can order half-portions of many main dishes makes it pocket and stomach friendly. Don't bother looking for seating or peace during peak times of Kenya's weekend (Wed, Thur, Fri, Sat nights). Their mashed potatoes are above average, so that is a plus as well, though for some reason, they are not always available, and you can’t order tea during lunch, even if you’ve had a meal…

5. SIERRA. Best. Mashed. Potatoes. Ever. Point Blank Period. Rich in flavor, cost 2 sock as an accompaniment (with an 800-2000 ish bob meal), nice size, nice,…everything. I think I may pass by tonight, ha.

What, you think just because I talked about all the restaurants I talked about before I was going to talk about Greenview as well? What do you think this is?

Abi.