Weddings, there’s a lot of weight on this word. Those who have been through it will tell you. Before I got married I made a point of meeting married couples and pick their brain. I guess it was a subconscious way of assuring myself that I was on the right track. So when someone asked me if I was sure about this? I was ready with that philosophical answer that will hopefully shut them up. That weight, I could handle, the financial weight on the other hand proved difficult.

Now let me clarify something first, on my wedding day I was seven months pregnant. So this former bridezilla (as my husband loved referring to me) was raging with all sorts of hormones.
This was actually a good thing. I am generally the happy go lucky kind of girl but pregnancy changed all that! This made me put my foot down. My reasoning was very simple. No way were we going to start our lives paying off a loan for a wedding ceremony that’ll pass in a blink!! There’s more to life than just that one day. It’s meant to be a preparation for the rest of our lives together. God willing it’ll be a long life together.

After saying yes I remember I woke up and stared at my engagement ring as though it was going to come to life. My brain flooded with thoughts! Money was the main feature. Weddings come with nothing but expenses! This thought was slowly turning to an ulcer. Our savings were set on our then unborn son. So we didn’t want to eat too much into it. My husband then told me the golden words…our anthem…”Don’t do that which you don’t want to do”

If you’re not careful your wedding could easily turn into a mixture of everyone else’s idea. You have to know what you want. Not what people will like, but what you want! Sit down with your fiancé and agree on how you would like this day to be. It’s is your chance to bring your dream wedding ideas to light. Do your research. The internet is a wonderful world for this. Look at flower designs that excite you, wedding gowns that make you go gaga, color schemes, wedding venues, cake designs, bridesmaid dresses, grooms outfit. Print out pictures if you’d like. We did just that. And being a helpless romantic boy did I have ideas!!

Having written all your ideas down it’s time to put the price tag to that list. How much does this dream cost? Now remember you can incorporate a wedding planner and if you can afford one this person can be an angel! I personally couldn’t afford one but my best maid was all that and more. Pick up that phone and call. Call those events planners, get those quotes and add them up. This is where reality sets in. I remember wishing I was a billionaire!

Our initial budget came to a cool 1.5 million if not more. I just recall being too depressed to say it out loud. We did not want to spend so much money on one day. We sat down again and again not only with my mother but his and the wedding committee. You will be surprised the number of ideas you will get. Family members also pitched in a great deal. When you have a detailed budget it is easy to see what can be incorporated and what can be done away with. The only part I chose not to compromise was our rings. That to us was a very important thing.

We got cracking, negotiating for lower quotes.

• The flowers we ordered were exactly the amount needed for the ceremony. Nothing was to go to waste. They were ordered straight from the flower farm. Middle men are simply too pricey.
• The cars were provided for by family members who offered. My husband was very really keen about this. So I let him run the show here.
• Catering was handled by my husband’s sister who is also a caterer. We didn’t want her working on that day although she insisted the biriani was to be made by an actual Coastarian. She vouched for the caterer who we settled with but I do suggest that whoever you chose please make a point of sampling his/her food beforehand. Also call people who he/she has worked for and find out first hand if he’s good or not.
• Bridal party outfits…if you’re having them made remove the word wedding when asking for the quote. You’ll be surprised the amount gets cut by half!! Choose and buy your own material then you’ll only have to pay for the labor. The party might also want to use their own tailor.
• The decor was slightly tough. We wanted our guests to be comfortable and the venue to look beautiful. I was grateful to have found an honest man who did a wonderful job for the budget we had allocated.
• The number of guests was also cut down a great deal. It was surprisingly easy to decide who we wanted to invite. Our parents are the ones who had it rough!
• Location wise some places are simply over rated! Ask around and drive around, look at some venues and you’ll be impressed as to what a wide variety there is at a much cheaper cost. Think outside the box.

Some more expenses were taken care of by family and friends who were involved in the planning. There are people in your lives who are more than willing to help financially and also with supplies. All these cut our budget to just under ksh500,000. Please note this did not include the honeymoon. My husband refused to have me involved in it.

Make sure you discuss with your fiancé first about involving the committee and family in this process. You should always be on the same page. You are the bosses here; otherwise you’ll be overpowered quite easily. If you want a committee, sit and decide who will be in it. If you want your family members involved, sit and decide how. I know this is tricky. Especially when dealing with family. You don’t want them to take over but you also don’t want them to feel left out. It’s a tough element to balance but remember their blessings matter a whole lot! Without them you wouldn’t be here and that being so they do deserve a great deal of respect. Therefore be prepared to compromise. Although don’t bend over too much.

This initially was really hard for us considering there was a mixture of culture and religion. That is Muslim and Christian and Kikuyu and Swahili. I converted to Islam but I very much respect my Christian background and did not want anyone to feel left out. So instead of feeling threatened by it, we decided to celebrate it. Our Imam explained every bit of the nikaa ceremony before and during the wedding. We also represented the mix of culture in food, music and outfits. So when faced with such a dilemma simply find creative ways to represent and celebrate. This turned out to be the most fun part!

Mode of payment was quick and swift. We wired the money straight to our suppliers’ accounts. This took an incredibly short time and there were no added costs. I had paper work to prove that the money was sent and there were little to no issues. Be careful to get the right account number though. On your wedding day the last thing you want to here is that so and so still needs to be paid. Finish your arrears for your peace of mind.

I am often asked what I would have done differently. Well…I wish I researched some more. I was pregnant so time wasn’t exactly on our side. But I give to my husband, best maid, best man, family and friends for their amazing support. It’s tough to plan a wedding without a good support system. It’s so easy to lose your mind and throw in the towel! There was a point I was in tears screaming that I’d had enough. There comes a point that there are too many questions, too many suggestions and too many opinions. My mother had to get me out of the house and simply unwind. My husband was also one hell of a pillar. He stood firm. When I was down he was up and vice versa. Remember you’re a team!

When it gets too tough, remember your committee? Well they are there to help with the load. Assign tasks. Have an overall manager. Someone trusted. On the actual day do not and I repeat DO NOT manage anyone. Let things fall into place. Enjoy the day as much as you can. It’s your day!! The committee and carefully assigned ushers are there to make sure everything goes smoothly. Do not micromanage otherwise you’ll spend your wedding still planning instead of enjoying it. I know not everything went perfectly on our wedding day but we honestly never noticed! We were too busy having the time of our lives! And that’s how it should be!

Romance does not equal money. I know Hollywood and the likes would like to differ but weddings are a very individual affair. Your big day should not be about competing with other people or impressing other people. It’s supposed to be a time to celebrate with your family and friends. These are people you care about and who care about you. You’re giving thanks to them.

Please note that I’m not writing this as a guru or an expert. I’m your everyday girl turned wife and mother giving her side of the story, with the hope that my experience helps you. So if you’re planning to get married save save save! Set a goal per month as per your budget and put that money aside and don’t touch it until the d-day! You’ll be surprised with the things you can achieve when you save. We barely had time to save considering the duration from the engagement to wedding day was exactly seven months but we made it work.

With God by your side anything is possible. If something feels too hard for you to handle then maybe you’re the one selling yourself short.

Article by
Laila Makbul