When planning for anything we often come across things that we did not anticipate. These things more than often set us back quite a bit. Trick is to be prepared for it. How one prepares for something they just don’t know about is the tricky part. Wedding wise, this post is now out to inform you the darker side of things. The point when you feel like calling it quits.

Let’s be honest. None of us like failure. When faced with it we don’t acknowledge it. We want little or preferably no association with it. Deep inside we may know that we have failed but to our friends and family we hide it. We must always look ok. The ‘everything is fine face’ must be worn at all times! Especially now that you’re getting married, you must be happy right? You must be excited right? I mean, you must be having the time of your life now that everything is revolving around you right?  It’s best to be honest with each other, especially at this point. There’s nothing worse than to bottle this up, as they’ll only explode later. Feel free to put up a face to the rest of the world but not to your fiancé. Remember you are a team.

Weddings can be tough considering you find yourself trying to please everyone.  After having done the budget, sitting down with family and doing the harambee, letting everyone know how you want the day to be…There will always be that extra thing that you forgot to include or exclude. During my wedding the excuse that was always thrown at us always begun with “Culture dictates that….” The culture card is a tough one to ignore as it will appear as though you are defying the elders! You are being disrespectful.  We were fortunate enough to have really strong mothers who understood us and stood by us during such weary times. Funny thing is they went through the same thing as well if not worse! Always keep in mind and in their mind as well that you are preparing for the rest of your lives! Stand your ground. Do what you can but do not bend over backwards at the risk being broke once all this is over!

If you have a committee assisting you, have them know your financial goals in advance. Have them state that which they are able to give you. I know of a couple who had their committee cater for all their financial needs. Yes. They paid for everything! The couple had more than one harambee and finally had all the money they needed and more. The committee was proud of their accomplishments.  To them they had reached their goal and the day was a success! One month later after the wedding the couple was then seen driving high end four wheel drives- newly imported! This did not sit well with the former committee as they realized that they were downright used!  So be honest with them. Maintain their friendship, don’t break them. They are there to help you not do everything for you.  People love to help those who help themselves! If you feel you are not financially ready to plan your wedding then keep saving. Do not be embarrassed to push the day forward. Work towards having at least some amount of money to start with.  Also do not include people in the committee only because they have deep pockets. Trust me…it shows!

Family as well needs to know exactly where you stand. After sitting down with my mother and showing her our budget she immediately took out her cheque book. This was a huge blessing to us! My husband’s mother jumped in as well.  Other family members also jumped in with the actual things that we needed.  My husband’s friend also offered to do the make up for us at no cost. All these things cut down our budget a great deal!  Our committee as well removed that which they could. We chose not to state how much we wanted from them but left it to their will. This to me put everyone at ease. In all honesty, I am very shy when it comes to taking money from people. Unless I’ve worked for it I find it very undeserving. I know there are many people out there who feel the same way. But we need to realize that there are those special people in our lives who just want to help.

Even after doing the budget there are those things that may come as a surprise and end up creating a huge dent in your account.  Let me give a distinct example. Imagine that you have budgeted for about four hundred guests. The venue is a hotel and they are catering for you. This is charged per plate . Before the wedding you have paid fifty percent upfront and the rest is to be paid after the wedding. In the event that you have more guests than you anticipated, more food is brought in. And trust me the hotel will be more than willing to do so. Problem is the next fifty percent will be more than your initial agreement. This is the fine print of the contract you sign that you need to be very careful about. I have a friend who went through this. He budgeted for four hundred guests but ended up with more than seven hundred. The venue got so crowded that there were no more seats for guests. He was able to pay for the additional people as he anticipated a mishap and had some money left over.

I was very worried about having too many guests. Instantly expenses arise. Our venue was also small and if we were to have any more people there wouldn’t be enough space!  The amount of food we had estimated for would also not be enough. And sure enough we did have more people than we invited. Luckily they were not too many. It helps to have a detailed guest list and no nonsense guards at the entrance :)  And believe it or not our caterer had made a little extra food for such an occurrence. Yes he was an angel.

When doing the budget it is best to include a little section and title it ‘What if’ Put some money aside for this. Estimate whatever you’d like for your peace of mind. Never finish all your money at once. Do not deplete your account. Always have some cash on you. It is best to have one of the committee members handle this as your job on your wedding day is to be happy!  Have someone you trust handle the extra costs there and then. And remember…There is much more to be done after the wedding day…remember it is just one day. Life continues afterward.

Planning weddings can seem like a tough thing to do and therefore many of us shy away from it. I am sure you know of couples who chose to skip all the drama and chose to either just live together or have a civil wedding. We were more than close to doing this. But the joy on our parents’ faces made it all worth it. It felt so good seeing them celebrate with us, dance and dine with us.

Like I said in my previous post…I am just your every day girl turned wife and mother. My words are not setting stone. My reasoning simply stems from my experience. I am only writing this with the hope that it will guide you as you plan for your big day. Whatever you decide to do, let it be your choice. Your happiness and that of your fiancé is all that matters.

Article by
Laila Makbul